They say easy come easy go. I thought so too before I met a person that changed my whole outlook. That’s scary in fact, when someone can do that to you.

Life is too short to waste time for nothing but too long to cherish every moment you live. This thought and many others are now making me depressed so much that I almost want to kill myself. The despair is so huge that I can hardly eat, sleep or think. That makes me going to extremes, you can see me in local bars on and off, only that often, but when I’m there that’s a disaster, I act like crazy. Sometimes I just lie down in the dark room and cry all night long and then with the short relief of an hour sleep cannot open my eyes and look like a typical hangover.

I was hopeful to never fall in love. I was pretty sure it’s very painful if something goes wrong, assuming things from my experience which wasn’t that big, but was something already. Go with the flow, that’s a nice saying about me. Yeah, being depressed makes you choose nice sayings to describe your mental state, hehe.

We met at Christmas Eve joint party that involved people from our corporations. I can hardly remember his face from that evening, just recall that he was shaking my hand too long and looked up into my eyes. Or maybe I just like thinking that way to make the story more attractive in my mind. I was distracted by a cute little boy that came over with his parents so didn’t even bother to give a nice smile to people around.

I cannot remember him in the bar either, too many people and someone got my attention accidentally, all I remember was that pleased to meet you thing, bye bye, this is my msn ID and everything else that is involved into good byes for people that will probably never meet again.

Then we met online, which somehow was my idea and which was the beginning of my bittersweet story. He remembered my name from the word vitality, I dunno why it all happened that suddenly, then we met offline, it was more than nice, we had so much in common, both young and smart, both enjoying life and having similar interests. What else could we do? Just enjoy being together.

He’s a difficult person though. He’s hard to predict. I learned that later, when we had our first fight. How many did we have after that? A lot, but always managed to put things together, making each other happy again and again.

Then it suddenly comes out that my branch moves to another city, miles away from him. Desperate, but had no choice. Or maybe was just greedy about that nice job. I prefer thinking just had no choice. And I took it really easy, thinking he’s not the right person for me, he gives way to his tempo, he smokes, he plays jealousy, he drinks now and then. And he gave no clue for anything that could be called relations. So I moved on and found myself miles apart from him.

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Now I’m here, he’s there, we see each other online now and again, sometimes say hi, rather formal hi though, used to have online fights before, once he told me he missed me and stopped contacting. That’s when I learned the word depression. Nothing helps so far, neither time, nor chocolate that I consume every day. Job seems useless, all goes wrong. The worse thing is that I don’t believe that the Hollywood film making thing could work out if I suddenly come through to stay with him forever.

Life is just a piece of mind in someone’s game. My game is a crap, I just want to close my eyes and wake up without that feeling in the morning. Which is hopefully to happen one day. Fingers crossed!

Talita, 23

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